Like listening to David Letterman when he's having an off night, or reading R. Crumb, here's another rambling diatribe from inside the Shoe String Racing
compound (or is it the asylum?).
Last report, such as it was, hinted at my lame excuse for not being around; I changed jobs and had to actually do some
work to make a good first impression. But wait, there's more. How about
this: 1) it's a long haul to Laguna and I hate those acres of gravel traps,
2) I got caught up in the F-1 circus and since I'm an old Honda fan and all, I'm sure you can understand, 3) I couldn't very well miss my annual
Easter skydiving trip (a tradition for the last 25 years) and
4) one more reason that everyone can understand, the fine state of financial affairs we're all in. I can't help
myself, I watch the network news; news that Dave my financial advisor says to avoid. The clichés that pass for news
that we hear every frickin' day; "We have to change our ways: we have
to cut back, get back to a simpler lifestyle, stop expecting 10% plus returns and expensive foreign vacations every 6 months, and abstain from those $5
Starbucks." Dave was telling me again just last week; "don't'listen to that crap, "this
too shall pass" and "you're still on track with your retirement plan because the goal is the 30 plus years from now; not 30 months." …………..I
dunno. His name is Dave, but I call him Bernie. Ecclestone or Madoff, I
can't decide which. He calls me Dilbert.
Well here's my acquiescence to the crisis: sometimes I just got to save a buck just to fit in. But, the good news is that's easy to do; racing for free with the American Racing Club (ARC); you know, the one I've told
you about before; a 3 session race day in exchange for instructing/coaching a student in the high performance driving
event (track day).
But here's the kicker: beyond racing cheap I have too much fun risking death and dismemberment racing with those
big honking fendered monsters. So like Bill Clinton looking for cheap thrills, I've snuck off and done a couple of
these so far this year.
Example #1: a few months ago we were at T-Hill. Nice day. I missed the Q
session due to an extended student debrief. Since I would have to start the race at the back, I was looking at the 18
car grid, ranging from Spec Miatas in the back up to the pole sitter, an ex- World Challenge Porsche doing 1:58's or thereabouts, a few seconds slower than
this old slow poke. Then Dave, the ARC owner and long time friend, scratches his chin and says, "Ya know, since
you're already in the back, why not make it interesting, like start some real distance back, like ½ lap or so and see if you can catch the leader and
win." I'm thinking, "Hmmm, that's a thought; why not? One of
my favorite Kurt Vonnegut quotes is 'Strange travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God'." So I
calc'd the time differential/lap between the pole and me and figured Dave was just about right; I would see them
take the green when I was coming out of T-6 and that's just enough time in a 10 to 12 lap race to catch that Porsche on the last lap.
And that's the way it turned out; I had to drive Q time laps thru traffic and keep the pressure on. As I came up on
each car, my first thought was, "should I make this pass like the General? You know, just say 'Aw, phuque
it', throw it in there and figure it out on the other side? He'd never admit to cheap thrills, but I think he
likes doing it that way; at least he has every time on me." The guys in the back, bless their hearts, typically
give me a point by and I give them a thumbs up wave. But for the faster Porsches and one cantankerous but fast Ferrari some Dilbert patience and a couple of
Mali waves were necessary. Here's an example of one Porsche who consistently likes to open the door
and then slam it in my face.
Well, the whole thing worked out with Dilbert like precision. I caught the pole sitting Porsche pretty uneventfully
going into T-2 on the last lap, scooted by on the dirty off-camber outside line of T-3 and took the checkers with a few seconds to spare. That was fun, proving once again, that in Shoe String Racing, "it's all relative."
Example #2. Then a couple of weeks ago, I raced with ARC again, only this time a Shelby Daytona (kit car? Who cares?) showed up to show me what
raw HP can do. In the past, I've seen him turn sub 1:50 laps, easily 3 seconds faster than me.
We both missed practice and then for weather reasons, the race was moved up on the schedule by 3 hours so there was no Q session. So, both of us had to start in the back. After the start, I don't see him, so he
apparently is lurking way behind me as I scoot through the easy traffic for the first couple of laps. Now I'm
working my way through the Vettes, Vipers and what not; being patient, careful not to throw up a Hail Mary pass,
General style, wondering where that Daytona is. Then, about ½ way down the front straight, seeing nothing in my
mirrors, I'm checking my gages, shifting into 4th, thinking, "well La de da, ain't this
sweet" when I hear what sounds like a tornado. Now I'm wondering WTF, something must be wrong with my
car??????, and he suddenly appears, unleashing jaw
dropping power and passes me like Mine That Bird winning the Kentucky Derby. I had to look down at the tach to make
sure I hadn't lost all power. That mo-fo knows how to drive, so he stays comfortably ahead and we finish that way
just before it starts to dump buckets of rain. Well OK, I'm thinking, 30 minutes of racing and da car's back in
the trailer before noon. Sweet. Well, there ya go, Cheap thrills dancing with the Devil; heresy to the FM Kings of
old, I know.
Next up, some slightly more expensive thrills with World Speed and the Molecule Formula Mazda
Challenge when we run a doubles race weekend at Thunderhill backwards (that's spelled "Lil-Red-nut"
for those who like cryptic monikers and secret $hit.)
I'll be racing my Shoe String partner Bruce on 6 session tires and a couple of other of my favorite midpackers. Bill is going to be on
a mission to prove he's still got it: total control that is. If you read
the last couple of Postcard reports, you know that things are a bit unsettled at the front for the General. For
example, Stew's got a new motor, a new paint job and a wife Fran who loves to flog him on the radio. (I'll bet
they make videos at home too.) The Monkey, always looking like he
just ate a Big Mac, had better be there since he is a Little Red Nut and because he showed up at the Lil-Red-Nut for
his first race a year ago and made Bill sweat (and spin). Mali….. well what can you say about that boy? He bought a pro car, promptly put it into the wall, (like what else is new?) so, he's keeping his standard car "just in
case" (his idea of Cheap thrills). We just shake our heads, we never know what he'll be doing next and in
what. Shawn, Red-Mist Westerhoff, constantly plotting, has been real quiet lately; so stay tuned for that story…………
Well, I could go on and on, but it's all speculation and I'm sure you've had enough of that with the wild shenanigans going on in F-1. So, I'll cut if off for now and save some curiosity and cheap thrills for the next race report.
Still on a Wing and A Prayer……..
