Normally I only do a post race report, if you can call it that. But it is post race. However, with all the potential drama brewing for this coming weekend, I thought it was time to put on my Rubbin Muller hat and tip you guys off to it. As a warm up there's Paul Tracy flogging a crap-wagon supplied by Phuquing Tony George in a one-off in Edmonton, the rodeo capital of Canuck-dom. While he's overdriving that POS, set up by a team with no crap-wagon experience or data, he'll be at the back for sure. Well, I'm sure he'll get around Milk & Donuts, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milka_Duno but that's probably about all. So, we need to be on the edge of our seats and paying attention for when Danica comes by trying to put him a lap down. I can't wait to see the fisticuffs when they climb out of their smoking hulks. Just like he and Tags in San Josey a couple of years back, it'll be classic. Ya think? Oh well, all in good fun and more ink for Earl.
That's just a teaser for the classic battle royale that scheduled for not only
one but 2 main events at Thunderhill in scorching Willows, CA on Sunday. It's the annual SF Region July
BBQ; what's cooking is on the grid even more so than on the grill unfortunately.
Anyway, we are shaping up for an unprecedented colossal Battle of the Noobs. Now
granted the General and his officer's club (previously dubbed 'the Elders' by some pundit 
), typically takes this race off and they will be absent again this year. So, the stage is vacant for this year's fastest and most vociferous noob, Matt-man "the Monkey" Trudell to take on
an equally fast, but strong silent type, "Wood-man" Xerxa to go head to head for the FM win. Keep in mind,
these guys are not mid pack slackers; not on your life, they are near the front, up in the washing machine chaos with the talented FE's, some bodacious
DSRs and other spendy equipment. And they are bonafide noobs, as green as a 1/2 season can be.
As I say, the stage is vacant, so I'm trying to set the stage; do a little Rubbin' Muller sleuthing to look for the subplots and storylines to the weekend. First I ring up the Monkey:
"So, Matt-man, how did the T-Hill practice day go? You get in any real practice or just get frustrated with all the fenders? You getting the hang of the General's "toss it in and catch it" cornering technique?
More importantly, what's the prediction for next weekend? You got a gauntlet you want to throw down for Woody? I got to get this showdown lined out ahead of time. It's what we pundits do, yo. So we need some smack talking and juicy one-liners; you know, just sort of hint that you got some speed secrets from.......I dunno, the General, Moses, Todd Cook, Telo. Maybe a plug for Standing Start? How about Gran Turisimo or whatever you use?"
The Monkey comes back:
"We skipped the practice day, and I haven't been playing much Gran Turismo either. But I have been watching a lot of Days Of Thunder where they say "rubbin' is racin", I think I'll give that a shot..."
For a kid that looks like SeaBass Bourdais' younger brother, that's some brazen stuff. Next I try to get sumpin out of Woody, who's got kind of a Clint Eastwood no-bullshit demeanor. Foolishly, I try this.
"Woody, we've got to get the pre-race hype going. What are your predictions? How will you use your "wisdom of the years" (aka old age and treachery) to kick the Monkey's young ass? You guys may be the nicest people on earth, but that doesn't sell, so we need some first rate smack talk.
I don't want to stir anything up, but you break that transmission shaft and I hear the Monkey's going to tell the scrutineers to look hard at your replacement shaft to make sure it says Star and not John Deere. Anything to worry about there?
On the positive side, you probably like the heat, right? And you've
already scared off Mr. Moorespeed. And when Matt-man asks the Elders if a gear is
a gear is a gear, you gotta be feeling pretty good, eh? At least that's what I'm printing. 8-)
I shoulda known; Woody gives me nothing. I can picture that Clint Eastwood stare that says you don't want to hear him ask if you're feelin' lucky. Glad I'm not in the Monkey's shoes.
I give it one last shot in an Email and copy the rest of the boys.
"So this is your last chance to make your predictions, threats, and sandbag like hell. Woody, are you gonna be gunning for that little monkey like it's opening day or just driving around like it's Sunday afternoon? Matt-man, you even worried about the Wood and are you gonna just fill in for the General, under 1:49 and giving Mali-waves to all the DSR's and dreaming of your victory lap?"
Matt responded:
"Prediction: My gearbox will hold up
Threat: If my gearbox explodes into a billion pieces I'm going pro and leaving it to WSM in the future.
Sandbag: It probably will 'splode.
But seriously, I'm not supremely confident in the rebuild. If my gears are in the right place and it holds up it'll probably be a fun weekend, that's the first hurdle to overcome right there, everything else is gravy :-) It would also be nice if I don't pull a Massa and lose it in T3 like last time. And winning? $hit, if I win I'm going ballistic and wearing nothing but the SCCA flag for the victory lap.
(better not hold me to that!)"
From Woody: Dead silence; must be the calm before the storm.
Anyway, depending on qually times and air temps, I just may just get out of the car, go up into the air conditioned observation tower and watch this whole thing go down when the green drops. Hang on to your holli-hocks. Between Edmonton and T-Hill it could be a wild weekend.
